Hallmark knows how you feel at all times

Not content with turning happy occasions unbearably corny, Hallmark has set its hackneyed sights on serious problems, namely “depression, eating disorders, and cancer,” with its Journeys collection of cards. Oh, joy. Nothing like being greeted in dire circumstances with an old-timey photo of a baby and an inspiring message like “Cancer is a villain who doesn’t play fair … but it can’t dim your spirit, and it can’t silence prayer.” For additional Oprah-esque smarm, they should add a line drawing of an angel being tied to railroad tracks by a mustache-twirling fiend wearing a “Cancer” T-shirt.