For anyone who thinks Martha Stewart’s move from convicted felon to reality TV star was a one-week transformation, you have not been watching closely enough. Regardless of AdFreak’s completely baseless speculation that she’s been illegally trading cartons of Marlboros for production deals, we urge you to think of her cell less as a small, cold dungeon and more as a cocoon.
The metamorphosis began the moment she wrapped herself in that drab prison jumpsuit and stepped inside Alderson Federal Prison Camp. Once she was Rich Martha, a ruthless millionaire on par with Enron’s Ken Lay. Then she emerged as Poor Martha, a woman chided for picking fruit on prison grounds. Poor Martha, forced to smuggle eggs from the cafeteria to her cell for a decent egg salad. Poor Martha, locked out of the prison kitchen on Thanksgiving. Which desperate housewife among us wouldn’t lie to stay close to our families, preparing plum glazes and sprinkling our sheets with lavender water? It’s enough to make our inner Bree Van De Kamps cry into our 400-thread count pillowcases.
True, the goddess of good things has had lots to be thankful for since Thanksgiving: First, Kmart’s takeover of Sears was a boon for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia’s stock, earning inmate No. 55170-054 about $32.7 million, according to Newsweek. Then, according to a survey by Mediaedge:cia, nearly 70 percent of subscribers plan to renew with Martha Stewart Living. (If only advertisers were so loyal.) Finally, her pact with Mark Burnett has thrust her back into the public eye even before she walks free.
But who can forget the fact that Martha’s octogenarian mum was robbed of spending Christmas with her jailbird kid. The sympathy vote is a powerful PR agent.
—Posted by Deanna Zammit