Michael Vick: Hey, what are you in for?
Conrad Black: My role in a multimillion-dollar fraud at Hollinger International, the newspaper group I created. You?
Vick: Had a sweet life in the NFL. Until word got out about the dogfighting.
Black: Sport of kings.
Vick: Exactly what I kept telling everybody. Oh, I killed them, too, if they weren’t good fighters.
Black: I should’ve done the same to a couple of overly chatty finance types.
Vick: What’d you say your name was?
Black: Black. Conrad Black.
Vick: Hi, Connie. I’m Michael Vick.
Black: Guess I’ll call you Vickie.
Vick: No you won’t.
Black: Good lord, what’s that!?
Vick: Wilber. My pet rat. Prison’s crawling with them.
Black: It’s gnawing on my leg.
Vick: That’s a fighting rat!
Guard: Okay, mail call. Vick—contract from HBO for your life story and. Another offer from Warner books. Hey, Human Society newsletter?
Vick: Activist judge.
Black: What about my mail?
Guard: Maybe next time.
Black: Could things get any worse?
Vick: Look! There’s a couple roaches by the toilet. Let’s train them to fight! Hey, Connie, quit kicking Wilber! You fight like a girl. My money’s on the rat.
—Posted by David Gianatasio