Dear Federal Trade Commission, National Advertising Division:
    I'm writing to complain about a billboard campaign by an evangelic group asserting that the Apocalypse would arrive on May 21, 2011. Clearly, this is a case of false advertising, and you should take immediate action! Being a dutiful American consumer, I always believe everything I'm told by paid media, so I took the group at its word, and now I'm in rather dire straits. Expecting that the end was nigh, I quit my job, told my landlord to get stuffed, and ran through the streets naked. Now, I'm not only unemployed, but they also changed the locks on my apartment. So, I'm stuck outside in the rain, without a stitch of clothing, typing this on an iPhone that I taped to my chest so I could call family and friends and tell them off as the earthquakes and hell storms began. In the event that the evangelicals made a slight miscalculation and Armageddon comes a tad late, please disregard this note and have a nice Judgment Day.
     P.S.: If civilization does continue for any length of time, can you possibly get those Cadbury dancing monks off the air? That commercial is the antithesis of rapturous, and should be called home ASAP.