THE FIVE BEST …
As cable siphons off GRPs like a fat kid sucking YooHoo through a Krazy Straw, broadcasters have countered with manic fits of development.
Among the best:
(1) Resurrection (ABC) The River Styx flows upstream as those long dead and buried return to their families. Goosebumps.
(2) Hostages (CBS) Tiffany Net leaves procedurals in the dust with this taut kidnapping drama.
(3) Sleepy Hollow (Fox) This steampunk conspiracy thriller incorporates everything from time travel to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Crazy fun.
(4) Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC) Don’t bet against $1.5 billion in Avengers box office and the kicky genius of Joss Whedon.
(5) The Blacklist (NBC) Steff from Pretty in Pink is TV’s newest oddball criminal mastermind.
… AND WORST NEW SHOWS
That upfront attendees howled at trailers for the first two shows on this list suggests that people will laugh at anything after free booze.
(1) The Millers (CBS) Of a piece with CBS’ lowestcommondenominator yuks, the sizzle reel was basically 3 minutes of masturbation and fart jokes. Dreck.
(2) Dads (Fox) Seth MacFarlane’s first liveaction TV comedy is an ugly stew of racist and sexist shtick. Makes The Cleveland Show look like Cheers.
(3) Undateable (NBC) Unwatchable.
(4) The Crazy Ones (CBS) Mork and Buffy run an ad agency. Sufferers of Robin Williams Intolerance, steer clear.
(5) Intelligence (CBS) The Six Million Dollar Sawyer meets Google Glass: The Procedural.
… AND SOME PILOTS THAT NEVER LANDED
Beverly Hills Cop (CBS) A spinoff of the ’80s movie franchise, the pilot focused on Axel Foley’s son (Brandon T. Jackson), who fights the good fight in the 90210. Eddie Murphy had signed on to do occasional guest arcs.
The Sixth Gun (NBC): A geektastic supernatural Western that was passed over in favor of a raft of procedurals. Gun would make a fine, if pricey, addition to Syfy’s lineup.
Delirium (Fox): Based on Lauren Oliver’s trilogy about a world where love is legislated out of existence, Delirium starred Emma Roberts as a girl with an outlaw heart. A bit too CW-ish for Fox.
Mulaney (NBC): Starring standup du jour and SNL writer (“Weekend Update”) John Mulaney, the pilot garnered raves but apparently didn’t jibe with NBC’s new family sitcoms.
Super Clyde (CBS): While this comedy about a regular Joe (Hogwarts alum Rupert Grint) who becomes a superhero tested well with CBS suits, Clyde was deemed off-brand.