On June 20, The Onion will release its 1,000th issue (or, at least, its editors think it might be the satirical newspaper's 1,000th issue). Despite having conquered the hearts and minds of the American people, “America’s Finest News Source” isn’t content with the public’s praise alone. No, The Onion thinks it’s high time that it received the most distinguished award of all: a Pulitzer Prize.
The Onion, along with the support of its loyal readers and Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes (“a nonprofit watchdog group dedicated to exposing those who engage in improper journalism-award-giving”), is launching a campaign to secure the vaunted Pulitzer.
An array of notable figures from Gail King to Mario Batali and even Arianna Huffington (who threatened to redirect every link on the Huffington Post to the Columbia Journalism site and crash it if The Onion isn’t properly rewarded) have contributed testimonial videos to the cause, and the paper is encouraging all of its readers to do the same.
Supporters of the Pulitzer campaign can also sign a petition asking that members of the Pulitzer board “either end their years of blatant discrimination against The Onion or resign immediately,” or download and send a form letter to the “Ignorant, Negligent Swine” at Columbia politely suggesting that they “wake the hell up and faced reality—The Onion deserves one of your damned prizes way more than the simps you’ve been giving them to ever did, or ever will.”