We know we’re late getting to this, but we simply couldn’t not mention Joe Curl’s brilliant pool reports late last week.
Curl raised the bar by managing to include 29 of Elvis’ 30 No. 1 hit titles in two pool reports.
Here’s a taste:
-“Your president of your United States did not sing, did not dance, in fact did nothing remotely Elvis-like. His Japanese counterpart, however, rocked The House That Elvis Built, donning a real pair of The King’s gold sunglasses and pulling off the most difficult of all impersonations — the Elvis swoon.”
-“There was a dispute as to whether he was playing air guitar or doing some of those weird Elvis karate moves that he did late in his flabby career. Either way, Koizumi bent into a half crouch, windmilling an arm and emoting as he sang, ‘Glooory, gloooory, hallelujahhhhhhh.’ Bush stood back, a big Hound Dog grin on his face, his Wooden Heart warmed, but he made no move to jump in and join his goodtime buddy.”
-“But there still lots of smiles, still a Big Hunk O’ Love between the two leaders, no Crying in the Chapel. A few photos, then your pool herded out like smelly cats.”
-“The two strode side by side, a Burning Love between them, across the tarmac (which was remarkable, given that just 60 years ago, their fathers had been at war, and now, through the power of freedom and democracy, their boys were going to pay tribute to a drug-addled sex addict who died on the toilet).”
-“Following them were senior aide Karl Rove, whose head size rivals Ted Kennedy’s, casting a giant shadow on the pavement as he climbed the stairs, and chainsaw master Joe Hagin. The glare from their pates would have caused photographers to reset their F-stops, but the pool was already racing aboard, and took off at 9:08.”
-“Tony Snow dropped back to the press pod, and he and Deckard donned gold-rimmed Elvis glasses. Snow, who looked like the Devil in Disguise, gaggled with the glasses on until he delivered the week ahead, when he found them to be Too Much.”