Rupert Murdoch owns the New York Post, a tabloid newspaper on the island of Manhattan that is widely considered to be the golden standard of journalistic ethics, writing and sophistication.
In the days following a bombing in Boston that left three dead and droves maimed, the stoic little paper, with its boringly staid headlines and cover art, churned out scoops that were so true the rest of the media just didn’t even get it. Like, those fools at the New York Post and the chumps that run FishbowlNY were saying three people were dead when, like, it was obviously 12. And then they put a guy on the cover of the paper who was so suspiciously guilty, he didn’t even know it!
See, the Post reports on things. Lots of them.
The octogenarian media mogul must have been so proud. Prouder than he was when his smiling mug appeared on the cover of Bloomberg Businessweek, which called him an “old fox,” which is a name he likes. After all, he named his television network after that animal.
But for some reason, Murdoch stayed mum on Twitter. No praise for the Post’s intrepid reporters. No in-your-face bragging to competitors like the New York Daily News. Just this:
Why does British establishment protect famous alleged BBC paedophiles while demonising popular journalists.Toffs for toffs, hell to public
— Rupert Murdoch(@rupertmurdoch) April 19, 2013
The Huffington Post was as confused as we were.
Editor’s Note: This is satire, as copied from my colleague Chris O’Shea. Because it’s actually that absurd.