Gearing up for this weekend’s big show, the latest Oscar host told both Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Kimmel Wednesday that he was secretly hoping for a huge, last-minute entertainment scandal to help feed the monologue. Especially since Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, via the Golden Globes, took care of all possible Sony/North Korea angles and, pretty much, Bill Cosby as well.
Kimmel had the best off-the-cuff suggestion in this regard. He mused that perhaps just before the broadcast, Harris should come out as “not gay.” Maybe even planting the seed of an affair with Best Actress nominee (and Gone Girl co-star) Rosamund Pike. Ha ha.
In lieu of a real-life Hollywood scandal conveniently breaking in the next 72 hours, Harris can always riff on an imagined late-breaking one. Along the lines of…
– “Bad news for Warner Bros. The fake baby in American Sniper has hired Gloria Allred. Says he was severely mistreated during filming.”
– “I want to apologize for accidentally stepping on two Lego picketers outside the Kodak Theatre. I never saw them. I swear.”
– “Let’s see how that protest march being led by David Oyelowo is progressing. He started on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. in South Central, earlier today, and I’m told is now getting very near Steve Carell’s home in Toluca Lake.”
– “I just got a text from the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. He is insisting that I make as much fun tonight of this year’s quote-unquote Best “Supporting” Actor nominees as we do about the Globes tendency to put dramas in the comedy-musical category. Fair enough.”
– “And a quick note to Hugh Hefner. I understand you’re still a little miffed that Richard Linklater didn’t go through with those original plans for Playboyhood. But when only the guys age over 12 years, it just doesn’t work. Time to let that one go, man.”