Media Minutiae: The “What’s It All About, Alfie?” Edition

  • Dear Graydon Carter: Why is Angelina Jolie’s buttcrack in Vanity Fair? After the seemingly endless string of Radar and Page Six items, we already had a pretty clear picture of his world-class control-freakery, not to mention his porn obsession. But you should have drawn the line somewhere. And what we really don’t understand is why you had to piss off Philip Seymour Hoffman with your own lame Truman Capote impression.
  • Dear Les Moonves: Do you really need to replace Uncle Bob behind the anchor’s desk? Yes, he’s old, and he’s clothed — we know you love the idea of “Naked News” (you and Tom Ford both) — but Schieffer’s the only anchor actually attracting new viewers. Meanwhile, Katie Couric sounds like a fool every time she says “Torino.” Please reconsider Uncle Bob, won’t you?
  • Dear Carl Icahn: Will you at least try to be consistent? After spending our Tuesday afternoon listening to your spiel about how Time Warner’s fiefdoms would be better off on their own, the New York Post’s Tim Arango is hearing you plan to sell off those pieces the moment you had the chance. Well, which is it: consolidate is good, or consolidation is bad? (Or consolidation is only good when you get a cut.) Meanwhile, Dan Gross has an excellent explanation at Slate as to why Lagardere was so happy to buy Time Warner Book Group: 2.5 percent growth is terrific by their standards. Suddenly “Time Burda” (or maybe “Bertelsmann Bros.?”) starts to make more and more sense.
  • Dear Jack Kliger: Why are you insisting to James Brady in one breath that ad sales are improving, and then in another compare your clients to ten-year-olds? And we’ve read enough of the Lazard Report by now to realized that “downsizing their cost structures” ultimately means firing people.