Today in Milking it For All It’s Worth news, novelist/spanking enthusiast/early choral music expert E.L. James just announced plans to further expand her personal brand by writing a book about…writing.
Not only will the book bear her name, it will also once again build on her most enduring product, the Fifty Shades of Grey series (working title Softcore for Dummies). Fifty Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess (a Journal) will be “a how-to guide” published by Vintage Books, and it will consist of James’s thoughts on the writing life in addition to her personal “getting in the (writing) mood” playlists and a few blank spaces for the aspiring literary superstar to record his or her (OK, her) own notes on the subject. Sounds like a great marketing scheme, no? Oh, and it will all come in a handsome “bonded” “soft leather” cover–we could probably turn that one into a double entendre but this daylight savings time thing is a real buzzkill.
We understand the urge to wring even more publicity out of one’s greatest cultural achievement. If we were E.L. James we would probably do the same thing. But should the world at large really take writing lessons from the mind that created these PG-13 masterpieces of linguistic contortion?
- “He’s my very own Christian Grey popsicle.”
- “Christian Grey: ‘You wore my underwear’
Anastasia: ‘Did that shock you?’
Christian Grey: ‘Yes.'”
- “‘I’d like to bite that lip,’ he whispers darkly…I squirm in my seat and meet his dark glare.”
- “The singing starts again … building and building, and he rains down blows on me … and I groan and writhe … I am completely at the mercy of his expert touch …”
- “His lips are parted — he’s waiting, coiled to strike. Desire — acute liquid and smoldering, combusts deep in my belly.”
- “My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
Some people just have no business creating a guide to writing. EL James is one of them. #stayinyourlane
— Kathleen Schmidt (@Bookgirl96) March 11, 2013
Hey, we didn’t say it. Maybe James should study the brilliant Fifty Shades of Chicken to learn how humor works…