Cadbury Changes ‘Creme Egg’ Recipe; Pandemonium Ensues

What life-altering, earth-shattering announcement could prompt despondent outcries like “Easter is ruined!” and “Call for a revolution!”? Why, the blasphemous altering of a chocolate recipe, of course.

Yesterday, British candy company Cadbury — owned by American food giant Kraft since 2010 — announced that the chocolate used to make the shells of its famous Creme Eggs would no longer follow the Dairy Milk recipe, but would instead be made with “standard cocoa mix chocolate.”

The resulting outrage and despondency immediately began to flood social media as Brits came to learn that their childhood memories had been irrevocably tarnished and that life would never, ever be the same.

Assurances from the company that the new recipe had been tested and approved by consumers did little to assuage the grieving, and seem to have only illuminated an apparent rift — not only between Kraft and the loyal customers of its Cadbury subsidiary, but between Great Britain and that pesky over-grown territory now known as “the United States.”

In fact, if Twitter is any indicator, one might believe that candy is causing a bonafide international incident; one Twitter user suggested dumping the new Creme Eggs into harbor, reverse-tea-party-style, and it seems many grieving Dairy Milk-lovers are seeking solace by sharing in the Americans-ruin-everything blame game:

And because no backlash is complete without a petition, an official appeal to Kraft to return to the old recipe (and to a time in which life made sense) is now available to sign on Change.org.