14 Status Updates We Wish You'd Kept To Yourself

Some people volunteer the strangest, oftentimes most offensive personal bits of information to an open forum of literary voyeurs.

Ahhh, the little tidbits that I have been made privy to in my Facebook news feed!

I call it viral narcissism: There are those of us who are compelled to volunteer the strangest, oftentimes most personal bits of info about ourselves to an open forum of literary voyeurs.

I have been stupefied by some the postings I’ve read. Some folks just share way too much on Facebook but in all honesty, I love it. I have had some of the the best side-splitting belly laughs from postings that were innocently written, not meaning to solicit humor at all.

Then again, there are those postings that I wish some people would have just kept to themselves. You be the judge:

1. I can fart “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” followed by the ‘Three Blind Mice!”

2. My daughter has a penchant for eating baby powder.

3. My mother-in-law wears three bras just to keep her boobs from drooping down to her waist.

4. Massaging baby pee on your temples is a surefire way to get rid of migraines… no, it actually works, I’ve tried it.

5. I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days and I swear my breath doesn’t stink!

6. My chin hairs are growing in at a death-defying rate, I think I might have to shave them off with a razor just like a guy.

8. Although Parmesan cheese smells like throw up, and makes me gag whenever I smell it, I still love eating it.

9. Why are my husband’s toes so hairy?

10. I can’t believe what my son told me after he dropped his hot dog on the ground, picked it up, then tried to eat it. He said, “Ma, you can’t taste the germs on the hot dog!”

11. I was a bed wetter til age 19.

12. I think Danny DeVito is sexy.

13. Scott is my brand. Charmin complicates things back there.

14. Charlie Sheen is just so misunderstood.

Readers, what are some of the worst status updates you’ve seen on Facebook?

Photo courtesy of the Associated Press