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Information Diet: Joan Rivers

'The Fashion Police' star prefers hard news to soft cheese in the morning

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Specs
Age 79
Accomplishments Author of the just-released book I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me; host of Fashion Police on E!; star of Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? on We TV
Base Los Angeles and New York

What’s the first information you consume in the morning?
I wake up and immediately the television goes on. I’m ashamed to say, I turn first to NY1 Minute, that stupid thing, which I love. And they have something called In the Papers. Then I go to Morning Joe, CNN…I’m not interested in watching Ann Curry cry. I want hard news in the morning.

What occupies your mind in the car?
My next bowel movement! There’s no down time. I’m usually in a car or taxi, so I’m emailing or on the phone with one of my assistants.

You split your time between New York and Los Angeles. How do you spend your time flying back and forth?
Sleeping! I look forward to the plane trips because it’s five hours of sleeping, and I dread when they’re going to allow you to use your phones on the plane. It’s going to be a nightmare.

Which is more nutritious: print or Web?
Print, because of the pulp. Pixels are nothing but empty calories, darling.

When writing your new book, I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me, did you use a pen and paper or was it a digital process?
I’m still one of those longhand people. I usually do a tape recording, and then I write it down. I like the tactile feel of the paper and pen in my hand, and I don’t trust computers. I started with a stone and chisel.

Are you a TV junkie or on an airtime-restricted diet? What do you watch?
When I come home, no matter what I’ve done, even if it’s 4 in the morning and I’ve just come home from performing, I tape everything that I want to see on Turner Classic Movies. I’m an old movie buff, and my great thrill is to watch Edward G. Robinson being a gangster or Lana Turner licking her lips. I always have a late, late, late movie on in the background.

Before bed, do you bite into a novel, graze on Twitter or fast until morning?
Before bed, I do the late movies, The New York Times crossword and I read a book. Right now, I’m reading a book called Unorthodox, about a Hasidic girl who lives in this totally isolated community in Brooklyn and how she broke away.

How do you keep up with the latest celebrity looks for Fashion Police?
[My daughter] Melissa’s the executive producer of Fashion Police, so I get all the pictures sent to me constantly. Also, I attend the premieres and parties and awards shows, which is a challenge because I’m never on the list!

Give us the skinny on your favorite app.
I like my old-people apps, which are available in iPrunes. I’m also looking for an app for rich old men who are about to die who want to marry an old lady and leave her everything. Nobody’s done that app yet.