A few lucky New York journalists are in the south of France today for the start of the Cannes Film Festival. Although if you go by Guardian film critic Peter Bradshaw’s assessment of the opening night gala, not so lucky if they have to sit through Grace of Monaco starring Nicole Kidman.
It is a film so awe-inspiringly wooden that it is basically a fire-risk. The cringe-factor is ionospherically high. A fleet of ambulances may have to be stationed outside the Palais to take tuxed audiences to hospital afterwards to have their toes uncurled under general anaesthetic…
The resulting film about this fantastically boring crisis is like a 104-minute Chanel ad, only without the subtlety and depth. Princess Grace herself is played by Nicole Kidman, wafting around the Palace with dewy-eyed features and slightly parted lips which make her look like a grown-up Bambi after a couple of cocktails, suddenly remembering mother’s violent death in the forest.
We have great respect for any critic who tries to have fun with the uglier sides of the cinematic beat. Thus, FishbowlNY agrees whole-heartedly with article commenter Flummoxed Collywobble, who writes: “Is there a ‘Hatchet Job Of The Year’ award for film reviews? This one would grab gold. Lovely stuff .”
Another example of Bradshaw’s welcome approach is the Cannes V-log below, in which he shares an imagined phone conversation with Palme D’Or hopeful Jean-Luc Godard.