You’re a journalist. Come on, you love to see your byline. So we have an unusually fishy idea: name an Oyster after yourself (or a coworker) and have the name immortalized forever. P.J. Clarke’s is introducing its’ own signature oyster on Tuesday, with its name to be chosen by secret ballot.
Brad Blynier, one of the owners of the War Shore Oyster Company, the company that’s harvesting the exclusive oyster for the restaurant, describes the oyster as “farm raised, premium cocktail-sized and has a robust brininess with a clean, mild and sweet finish.”
Based on the oyster’s characteristics, we’ve come up with naming suggestions but feel free to come up with your own (write us at Betsy@mediabistro.com, firstname.lastname@example.org or use our Anonymous Tips button):
The Badass Oyster: Do we even need to name the journalist who comes to work with a chain tied to his waste? That’d be BuzzFeed D.C. Bureau Chief John Stanton. The Meghan: For Meghan McCain, a tart oyster served naked of its shell; The Rose Garden: after The Daily Caller‘s Neil Munro, an oyster served live and will never shut up. The Burger Oyster: it’s cocktail-sized, after all, and has former TIME scribe and professional partygoer Tim Burger written all over it. To spice things up, we have The Rosie: sweet, tart and can cuss like a sailor for BuzzFeed‘s Rosie Gray (and we mean nothing by the tart, only that it’s a flavor that might be present in an oyster.). The Bob Schieffer, farm raised, but still clean and sweet– an undeniable D.C. institution. The Hardball Oyster: All robust and briny things should be named after MSNBC host Chris Matthews, shouldn’t they? The Pothead Oyster: all laid back and smooth, HuffPost‘s Sam Stein. The Howeeza: after mild, sweet Judy Kurtz from The Hill. The Ezzy: serious and wonky with a touch of lemon and an aroma of fresh figs for WaPo‘s favorite “f–k you” blogger Ezra Klein. The Weingarten: a little sour-aftertaste for D.C.’s ultimate curmudgeon, WaPo‘s Gene Weingarten. The Luke: for MSNBC’s Luke Russert, a very meaty oyster; “Shorty” the Jake Sherman oyster. The Stealth Spunkster: she’s everywhere and nowhere all at once after Hollywood on the Potomac‘s Janet Donovan; and The Lady: the always well-mannered and comedy-laced Neda Semnani from Roll Call‘s HOH. The Angry Oyster: Can you guess? That’d be Tim Grieve, who just gave Politico the middle finger and bolted to National Journal. The Fresh Mouthed Oyster: Politico‘s own salty tweeter Ben White, who likes to share his crappy hotel experiences. Hey, maybe this time the Jefferson Hotel will actually hold a reservation for him or the W will give him a room that doesn’t place the bathroom in the foyer. The Potty Mouthed Oyster: Mike Elk, a brusque, sharp-flavored oyster for the labor journo who swears more than any other. The Shooter: Who else? After the gun activist journalist herself, Emily Miller of TWT. And finally, we offer The Boyle: for you-know-who, the always all blown up Matthew Boyle of Breitbart News.
Do not stop reading. We’re not kidding. Here’s the fun part… Stop by P.J. Clarke’s now through noon on Tuesday at 1600 K St. NW and cast your vote. This is not your typical contest where you win nothing but a name boost. The winner will receive a SERIOUSLY FREE two-hour party for 50 guests of your choosing on their K Street patio, complete with two straight hours of unlimited D.C. Brau and the yet-to-be-named Oyster.
Note to Readers: Do NOT send us your nominations. We can’t do a thing with them but look at them longingly and remark on their cuteness. The only thing you can send us are nominations for reporters you don’t see here. Make them clever, please. You must stop by P.J. Clarke’s and cast your own vote. Just do it. It’s a beer and a few minutes for a FREE TWO HOUR PARTY WITH 50 FRIENDS. Date and time to be decided by you and P.J. Clarke’s.