Donald Trump Just Announced His 2016 Candidacy

And it's everything you could've hoped for.

From the Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue in New York, the latest GOP candidate to throw his hat in the ring did so in the only way he knew how — with white gook in the corner of his month (see video below).

“So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States,” proclaimed Donald Trump, “and we are going to make our country great again.”

The real estate mogul, who claimed he will be “the greatest jobs president God has ever created,” was certainly not shy with the hyperbole. Trump spent much of his campaign announcement disputing claims about the vastness of his wealth, making a point of people knowing he’s “really rich” — even going as far as to say he owns a “Gucci store that’s worth more than Romney.”

The newly minted candidate even laid out some of his “policies” if he were to win the White House:

Just to sum up, I would do various things, very quickly. I would repeal and replace the big lie: Obamacare. I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me. And I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. Nobody would be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump. Nobody. I will find within our military, I will find the General Patton, or I will find General MacArthur, I will find the right guy. I will find the guy that’s going to take that military and make it really work. Nobody will be pushing us around. I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons. And we wont be using a man like Secretary Kerry that has absolutely no concept of negotiation, who’s making a horrible and laughable deal, who’s just being tapped along as they make weapons right now. And then goes into a bicycle race at 72 and falls and breaks his leg. And I can I promise I’ll never be in a bicycle race, that I can tell you.

Yep, that’s right. The 69-year old Trump just made fun of a 71-year old (Kerry’s actual age) for breaking his leg during a casual bike ride (not a race). But wait there’s more! With only the kind of magic you could expect from the Donald, the 2016 hopeful was able to connect the prison break in upstate New York, the 2nd Amendment and the Clintons in one thought. Claiming to “fully support” the 2nd Amendment, Trump recalled talking to a woman that lives near the “very hardcore prison interestingly named Clinton” about gun control. The unnamed woman told him that she was “always against guns” until the escape of the two convicts ten day ago, but “we now have a gun at every table.”

Sadly, there was no mention of converting 1600 Pennsylvania into a Trump luxury hotel in the speech, but the renovations would no doubt be done “very inexpensively.”

Watch the full announcement, courtesy of WVSN-TV.