A Solicited Response, RE: The City of the Future

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Ms. Walker,

In response to your absurd post yesterday about Los Angeles being the top selection for The City of the Future, this writer would like a few words. First, said post was clearly written under the influence of something. Not to say drugs, alcohol, or anything of the sort. It’s just that, when you build a city surrounded by mountains then go about constructing eight hundred bazillion miles of freeway, you’re going to have some serious smog that likely will foul up some brain cells in there and make your logic a bit fuzzy. Case in point: this is a town wherein both Rob Schneider and Tara Reid find regular, gainful employment. In Chicago, we’ve never worried about pesky things like getting water to our citizenry or just finally passing the decade mark on our last major riot. We appreciate our buildings, made by some of the greatest modern architects the world has ever known, and so we keep them close together instead of spreading them miles apart (what’s more, the earth isn’t out to destroy us with massive tectonic shifts, so we’re don’t suffer from constant anxiety, worried that they could fall down at any moment). Did we mention that we’ve also got the tallest skyscraper in the country? Or that we have two major league baseball teams? So you keep your Disneyland. We have Superdawg. You have all of Hollywood, but we had a musical written about us that’s played all over the world and has, at one time or another, starred Ms. Bebe Neuwirth. And while you may be temporarily hosting Donald Trump for this sixth season of The Apprentice, we have the first twenty floors built of the Trump International Hotel and Tower, managed by, ahem, the winner of the first season of the show.

Yours,
Mr. Steven Thomas Delahoyde

PS. The one thing we both agree upon is that New York pales in comparison to both Los Angeles and Chicago. And let’s defy anyone to make us think otherwise, even if they did choose to hit the contact links above and send us a message why they think New York is the best pick. The fools! They wouldn’t dare!