Tiny Penis? ANA is on Your Side

By Matt Van Hoven 

There’s a bit of hullabaloo about a recent proposal by Congressman Jim Moran (D-VA) who says erectile dysfunction ads are friggin’ indecent and should be relegated to post 10 p.m. ad slots. We think it’s bullshite since, you know, there are worse things on TV than thinly veiled “get a bigger Dick Nixon” ads and frankly, America needs to get it’s crap together. The Euros play porn after 10 for gad’s sake &#151 c’mon already.

H.R. 2175: Families for ED Advertising Decency Act
In a nuthsell (expect more genitalia references), the proposal seeks to prohibit the broadcasting of any advertisement for a medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction, and for other purposes. Er, between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.


So what are we talking about here: well, Enzyte, Cialis, Viagra and pretty much any other product that promises longer lasting erections (INDECENCY ALERT) or a bigger schvanz (that means penis in the AgencySpy vernacular).

In case you’re wondering what Moran is proposing: “Within 6 months after the date of enactment of this Act, the Federal Communications Commission shall revise the Commission’s interpretations of, and enforcement policies concerning, section 73.3999 of the Commission’s regulations (47 CFR 73.3999), relating to indecent material that no licensee of a radio or television broadcast station shall broadcast on any day between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., to treat as indecent for such purposes any advertisement for a medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction or for male enhancement. This section shall not require treating as indecent any product placement or other display or mention merely of the trademarked name or generic name for such a medication.”

If this happens, speech will be limited yet again &#151 but this time it’d be for the children. Oh, the children.

Morals are kinda pissing me off today. Nothing against Congressman Moran (D-BAG), but c’mon dude &#151 one day you’re going to be sitting up late looking down, then up, then down again and it’s going to hit you that you were wrong about this proposal. Wrong because erectile dysfunction is a concept that kids probably won’t understand despite the insinuations like those made in the ad above. And if they do &#151 big deal, innocence is gone anyway people. Each of us realizes at some point that the only real purpose ingrained in us is reproduction. Sex, for which functioning penises are needed, is who we are. So can we please stop pretending like we’re all about saving the fucking children?

OK full disclosure &#151 I don’t have kids. And if I did, I probably wouldn’t want them watching “get a bigger cockney” ads. Fine. But the answer isn’t to limit cash flow in the name of morals (aka ‘the children’).

That argument presupposes that morals are more important than money but that notion is severely flawed &#151 morals have probably killed a lot more people than Enzyte (etc etc) commercials have screwed up kids’ minds. So let’s stop pretending we care about the kids and admit that we’re all controlling baby-hitlers who want everyone to care about the same shit we do &#151 and the law to mimic our beliefs. That’s just not how it works, though I’m sure Moran will say something about how it’s un-American to permit these kinds of ads.

The answer is to turn the damn TV off and send your kids outside. And you know what &#151 maybe you and the wife, husband, significant other can have some rock hard sex while they’re out there learning to socialize &#151 skills they’ll need one day when seeking out a mate to have sex with and maybe grow some more kids (or adopt in cases where kids can’t be had for whatever reason). And then a cigarette. But don’t get me started on that subject.

Dan Jaffe, EVP of the ANA, wrote a more grown up version of this same post.