Joe Biden Tries Soul-Crushing Guilt as a Campaign Tactic

By Doug Zanger 

Well, well. Joe Biden came screaming back with a big win in South Carolina and a huge showing during Super Tuesday this week.

It’s happy times all around for the Biden camp. And, because the digital stuff is a thing (remember how Facebook was so “helpful” in 2016?), the front-runner’s campaign is getting ahead of it.

SMS (or text, or IM … whichever you choose) is still an effective way to get in front of the electorate, and Biden’s team is keeping ahead of it with plenty of communication celebrating a heck of a week.


We acknowledge that this is a bit outside our normal lane here. But, here’s the thing, the latest message from the campaign reminds us of our mother (or another relative). Some of us here at Chez AgencySpy may or may not have grown up in an Italian household in New Jersey. Without veering into stereotypes, go ahead and envision what that may be like.

Yeah, you got it. Here’s what Biden sent this morning:


So, not only does Joe have terrible timing (right in the middle of working on a colossal pile of work), but the tone of this thing is, if we might say, a bit off-putting. We can practically hear the “Doug, I haven’t heard from you yet!” shouted in Biden’s voice.

Okay, Joe! We get it. We didn’t get back to you. We’re BUSY HERE, MAN!

Yeah, we know the headline is a little harsh, but that’s what we were feeling this morning. If we wanted this kind of angst, there are plenty of people on our phones to call … that we’re related to.

Here’s the thing. Joe isn’t asking for money, per se. He wants us to fill out a survey (you can see it here if you wish) … by midnight. But which midnight, Joe? Some of us live on the West Coast. Do you mean midnight Pacific Time? Eastern Time? Greenwich Mean Time?

Of course, there’s the money ask at the end. Fine. Here are a few bucks.

Here’s a better idea. There’s a presidential campaign machine based in New York just sitting around. The person who started this multi-multi-multi-million dollar powerhouse has pretty much said that he’s willing to fork it on over to you. Sure, the survey is nice, and thanks for asking us about how you should think strategically from here on out, but it’s right there for you, Joe.

Meantime, get yourself to Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania. The last person who ignored those states learned a little lesson—and here we are.