Beck’s Looking for Clogger*

By Matt Van Hoven 

Und Beck’s? Yah, und Beck’s. My German is a little rough, but if you head to the Beck’s homepage you’ll see a call for the world’s English speaking writers to apply for their clogging &#151 I mean blogging position.

Get it, ‘cos they’re Dutch, and the Dutch make clogs and clog sounds like blog, and this is a blog, and they need a blogger. The anecdote continues after the jump.**


Turns out I’m Dutch &#151 just sayin’. I’ve also been to Amsterdam and find it to be a charming land full of cloggless inhabitants, bicycles, waterways even the Venicians would salivate over and the ubiquitous drug and sex market. What a place.

So why the hell does Beck’s want a man-made blogger (as opposed to Corporate)? Clearly, the brand recognizes the importance of social media and Web dexterity. Maybe they’re working with a company like Converseon, which would have told them to make such a move.

The headline of the ad: It Finally Pays to Write, which begs the question, “Do they pay in beer?”

Best guess is no, since they’d end up with drunken rants about the draught keg sucking because the pump leaks (and it takes like 24 hours to chill &#151 I want my beer now people; damn Europeans and their warm beer) or one night stands with silver robots. But hey, I’d read it.

So I applied. Don’t worry MediaBistro, ’twas only to see if they had any kitchy things to say about the job. And looky what I found.

“As you would imagine, our recruitment process is anything but ordinary. We’ll begin with a checklist of questions, to ensure that you really make the cut. After all, we are dead serious about finding that one great columnist. If you make the checklist, take the writing test and feel free to spill everything about yourself to us.”

The test? Research (Ha!) and write about a person who had to say no, in 200 words or less.

Let me think &#151 people that have had to say “no”…How about the Americans that say just that to drinking your beer? Our government saying no to rational thought; Emily Gould saying no to writing for the Times magazine. Oh wait, she didn’t do that.

Well, if you know of someone that’s taken a stand and you want to be a writer apply for this gig. But, ah, good luck with that.

*I have to say, this story’s headline works on so many levels.
**Update: Beck’s is a Dutch beer, made in Holland. Not Germany &#151 but the first line in the beginning of this piece is a reference to the movie Beerfest. Maybe you guys should, like, learn some culture.