Some Holiday Jeer, From FBN

By SteveK 

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The publicity department of Fox Business Network is getting into the holiday spirit this year with a card that takes a shot at the competition — specifically Jim Cramer. Inside, a jingle written to the tune of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” Exactly what Dr. Seuss had intended, we’re sure.

Check it out after the jump:

> Update at 8pmET: A CNBC spokesperson tells TVNewser: “As the lowest rated cable network among all rated cable networks, if Fox ‘Business’ News sends a card to every viewer, advertiser and individual who has ever seen or even heard of FBN, it would be the smallest holiday card print run in history. And, by the way, anybody who took Cramer’s advice on the Today show on October 6 to decrease short-term exposure in the stock market has walked away with a sack of money (DJ down roughly 15% since his remarks). And Jim is just happy his old friends at Fox remembered him at this special time of year. He can’t wait to get his card.”

> Update, update at 9pmET: An FBN spokesperson responds: “Perhaps the humorless, out of touch folks at CNBC should pull their heads out of Englewood Cliffs and embrace the reality of a viable competitor.”

Click continued to see FBN’s Cramer song…

…and here’s how the real song goes…

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
You’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn’t touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the seasick crockodile.

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You’re a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You’re the king of sinful sots.
Your heart’s a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You’re a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.