Anderson Cooper Won’t Be Shtupped By A Model Named Melania

By Brian 

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“Selling my first apartment made me realize I’m no Donald Trump,” Anderson Cooper writes in the new issue of Details magazine. “Even if I cover the whole place in gold glitter, I’m never going to be able to retire at 40, and I’m never going to get shtupped by a model named Melania.”

Gawker replies: “Don’t beat yourself up too much, Anderson. We’re pretty sure real-estate trouble isn’t what’s keeping Melania from shtupping you.”