Last Friday, Cory Bergman announced that Steve Safran is stepping down from Lost Remote. The following are excerpts from Mr. Safran’s three-hour farewell speech to the employees at One Lost Remote Plaza, delivered on Monday. Because he insisted on holding the address outdoors in the Boston-Seattle cold, several staffers came down with pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. Others quit and went to work for PaidContent. The full speech included histrionics which cannot properly be captured in text, nor can his 37 minutes of whining. We have also left out the names of the people he slandered, insulted or just plain called “dorks.” Here, instead, are some of the printable, intelligible passages. The editors apologize for this as they do for most of his career.
Ways I didn’t start the speech
I was thinking about making a statement starting with “Because of creative differences, to spend more time with my family and to seek exciting new challenges in new media, I have decided to….”
Or perhaps:
“I have chosen to exercise my options and cash in my three million shares of Lost Remote public stock (LRMT) for $1.30, and devote myself to my poetry.”
Maybe this would have done:
“After blowing through millions in venture capital money on cheap beer and loose women, I have been indicted by the SEC.”
And LR attorneys have advised me strongly against leading with:
“Cory Bergman stole all my retirement savings for his lavish Hawaiian wedding…”
So I’m left with the truth which, just like news itself, is really boring. I’m ending my tenure with Lost Remote because I am moving on to other work. There are no exciting “creative differences” or financial disagreements, because we don’t have finances. There are people who think Cory and I actually work together in a building at One LR Plaza and do things like have meetings where we discuss “synergy.” This wouldn’t work for a couple of reasons:
– Budget (see: none)
– I would drive Cory to criminal acts of insanity. Seeing me once a year in Las Vegas is more than enough for him.
Cory started Lost Remote as an email newsletter – a way to inform other web news people about what’s going on. It was a “blog before blogs were blogs.” It was social networking before anyone coined the term. Cory saw the future and was brave enough to start writing about it. I read Cory’s stuff, liked it, and asked if I could tag along. Seven years later, well, “tag.”
Network heads and keyboard honchos
I love it when I go to conventions and seminars and I hear from people who read Lost Remote. When you’re a writer who sits in his home office, you don’t really know who reads your stuff. We usually only hear from the same half-dozen commenters, which I’ve always thought was a shame. So when people who are the heads of network divisions or are founders of major online companies approach me, it’s a humbling moment. Lost Remote is read at every level – from interns to presidents. The web levels the playing field: you’re all equally nuts. But you’re all learning from each other.
Lost Remote has given me a national and, improbably, international soapbox. Last year, I counted sites from 17 countries in 12 languages that linked to something we had written. It’s because of LR that I am now able to have a career traveling to many stations and spreading the word about convergence media. I’ve been called a lot of names here, which tells me I’m doing something right. Actually, I used to think I got called a lot of names. Then I added “consultant” to my title…
Word to the One LR Crew
Just like at the boring awards shows, I have a few people to thank – the former and current Lost Remoters who helped the site throughout the years: Jeff Gralnick, Frank Catalano, Terry Heaton (yes, that Terry Heaton), Ron Stitt, Maryann Schulze, Julie Moos, Deborah Potter, Stephen Warley, Rich Warner, Liz Foreman, Don Day and Michael Gay. Without them to plagiarize from, I wouldn’t have had anything.
And, just as is the case with the boring awards shows, I want to thank you. Lost Remote has been the best place for me to learn about new media. We put out a lot of ideas here, and it’s only because LR is a community that I find out which ideas are good and which ones are crap. You’re actually quite good at letting me know about the crap. Quite good. I never did get “viewser” to stick, did I?
Fire that idiot!
Twice in seven years have I received emails from people demanding my own firing. How anyone has the nerve to demand someone at a journalistic endeavor (let alone a volunteer one) be fired for writing their opinion, I can’t say. But it’s usually pretty funny. I got an email once from a really heated reader who wrote to the “managing editor” of Lost Remote (me) demanding I be fired. I told the reader I was just as incensed as he, and that obviously I had really pushed myself too far this time, and if I thought I was going to get away with my kind of nonsense anymore, I was dead wrong.
I didn’t hear back from the reader.
“LR Spouse” Revealed
Leticia Safran, who has been married to me for 14 years and has never once been mentioned on Lost Remote by name. Until now. She gets the biggest thank you, for putting up with a husband who lies in bed with a laptop scouring web pages and writing until well after she has fallen asleep. You can make all sorts of jokes about that. Go ahead.
As for the LR Offspring, I’m trying to be a good parent by keeping their names off the internet. LR Daughter has yet to get a job at Fox, however.
And, in the end…
Mr. Safran continued on for the next 74 minutes with his “enemies list,” his “conspiracy theory of who shot Biggie” and four song and dance numbers. He finished with these words:
For those who believe in change, it’s a tough fight. Keep fighting. You’ll hear from people about how you’re wrong, how you’re one-note, how you’re “crying wolf,” and how you’re an “alarmist.” Keep being an alarmist. It’s an alarming time. The house is on fire. It’s not a time to be offering light drinks. It’s a time to come screaming with a full-pressure water hose. Aim it right at the schnozzes of the people who stand in the way and let ‘er rip.
But then come in with the ideas to rebuild something better.
The amazing thing about Lost Remote that it’s a place for the better idea. Cory started the site and continues the site as a place where people can learn about ways to change for the better. It changed me. So thank you, Cory. And thank you to the LR Faithful. Stick with Lost Remote, and you’ll always find the future.
Time for me to get lost.
NOTE:
A copy of this speech will be available on the website for two days. Then you’ll need to join our LR Gold Club to access our 30 day archives. For deeper access, consider joining the LR Platinum Exclusive Club Select. If you refer a friend, you can save 5% on a three-year membership to LRster, our social network for disgruntled news sociopaths. Email us now and you can have a 30-day trial to LRline, our 24-hour streaming video service that features exclusive views of One LR Plaza.
Sure. Now he comes up with a business model.