It’s the dawn of the 2012 NFL season, which means it’s time remember a bunch of reasons why the Chicago Bears totally suck. Let’s see, there’s their awful coach (Lovie Smith) who has absolutely no concept of when to throw a challenge flag, their wholly unlikable quarterback (Jay Cutler) who just married a wholly unlikable reality TV star (Kristin Cavallari) and sired what will inevitably become a wholly unlikable child (Blaine or something), their awful stadium (Soldier Field) which not only has the worst turf in football, but happens to have the smallest seating capacity despite being located in the NFL’s second-biggest TV marketing, that fact that they’re trying to make their only player that is actually very good at something (Devin Hester, returning kicks) into something that he isn’t good at (catching footballs), the city is still stuck living in 1985…
Yes, I could go on. As a Packers fan, the 2012 Bears make me quite happy. However, as a Chicagoan, there’s nothing worse than hearing everyone at my office constantly whine about how awful the Bears are. So, credit local shop Two by Four for attempting to instill some sense of pride in the Bears, which will be gone by week 1 when it becomes clear that Brian Urlacher’s injury-filled career is finally ending. Set against the background of the city skyline, Bears stars like, uh, Patrick Trahan take on opposing players with primal ferocity.
Two by Four tells us to “Believe in Monsters,” which is pretty hilarious when you consider that the scariest thing about playing the Bears is playing on Soldier Field’s ankle-devouring turf. Even the home team hates playing on that.