Following AgencySpy Into the Depths of Hell

By Matt Van Hoven 

OK I admit that I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter. In fact the hate part is so strong that I really can’t stand seeing or saying the word so from now on let’s just call it what it is &#151 Orgasmatron. Woody Allen would hate to think of his futuristic orgasm machine being used for such horrific exploits as sharing the most inane of our everyday thoughts. But screw it &#151 there’s a point to be made that only this machine could help elicit.

To the average person I think the act of orgasm (aka tweeting) is just as liberating as the actual earth-shattering release, albeit on a much smaller scale. Like, when you’re drunk and kinda forcing it. The fact is you can let out those little urges pretty much whenever you want regardless of whether or not someone actually cares to read them. I’m guilty of orgasm-ing all over the place via the @agencyspy feed.


But I can already tell, due in part to how friggin annoyed I am by the incessant coverage (which I am also guilty of adding to), that the thing is destined to fail. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow…

At some point the social media apocalypse will come, and Orgasmatron will go the way of the beeper and we can go back to being anti-social enema bags hell bent on domination of something or other. It’ll be friggin’ sweet. Death to Orgasmatron. I fully admit that the only evidence I have that it will fail is my desire to see the whole thing crumble despite the fact that I use it every working day. I know, makes no sense. I can’t explain this desire, it just is what it is.

But here’s the real down-to-the-balls deal. As a tool for brands Orgasmatron is the veritable Fleshlight/Rabbit combo tool of the near-but-not-far-future. It actually provides legit value in cases like ours. Some of you only read stories because we Orgasm them. It’s a sticky mess sometimes but it keeps you up to the minute on what we’re covering and it saves you the trouble of checking your RSS feed or refreshing the page every 9 seconds. And sooner or later some Super-Orgasmatron will come along and take it’s place. Some of us will still use it, but it’ll be the equivalent of a nudie-magazine or Rosie Palm or whatever you want to call it.

Maybe the next big thing will be telepathy. Now that’s futuristic. We hope that if you’re among the 40% of Orgasmers who don’t give up on Orgasmatron after a month, you’ll choose to follow @agencyspy because it’s honest to goodness fun interacting with you. Most of the time we don’t get to hang, er, do you all so this is really a good way to have a semi-public yet always entertaining conversation about the things we do to pay the bills. I for one try to make it fun, and all the #followfriday’s we get are a testament that some of you find our circle-jerk worthwhile. Thanks for reading and click here to keep up with us.

By the way we really like Orgasmadeck…er, Tweetdeck. Great application. Allows us to keep tabs on pretty much everything…pretty much.

We also have a less orgasmic feed called @adagencylayoffs where we keep our fellow proles updated on, yeah, layoffs.

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