Did Discovery Kill a Shark For Their Dang Programming?

By Matt Van Hoven 

No, no they didn’t. But being the paranoid type, it’s the first thing we thought when the story of the fallen Basking shark broke yesterday. Uh, this is not a part of shark week, it’s just a dead shark. But wouldn’t it be a better story if they found a dead shark or something and floated it ashore? Conspiracy!

Think about it: Discovery knows all kinds of shark people and it’s possible that one of them is a hunter or knows how to asphyxiate a shark and said, “hell yeah I’ll kill a shark in the name of advertising.” Or maybe some former shark scientist’s lover was somehow slain by a great white but the nerd was a big wimp and rather than take his revenge on a legit shark he went after the poor, apparently harmless basking shark &#151 an animal that can open its mouth almost as far as Courtney Love. Wide.


We e-mailed Mike Monello at Campfire to ask about our theory. And no, Discovery did not kill a shark. But they did kill Johnny Wright and some other bloggers.

Still, a shark on Long island? Discovery couldn’t pray to Poseidon (ocean god joke!) and hope for a better thing to happen. And of course now everyone will be especially pissed if there’s no basking shark segment. To the cutting room!

Update: The sharky coincidences continue in Washington D.C. where the nation’s shark-attack victims are coming together to party, with their remaining limbs. And, the whales are watching you.

More: “Frenzied Waters: A Campaign For Your Gruesome Sharky Death