We know very little about Travis Broyles other than that he lives in Atlanta, is a copywriter looking for work and knows how to produce Craigslist gold. Yesterday, Broyles posted this ad on the site titled “I Do Anything,” where he not only states that he will do anything and everything for money (with a few exceptions), but he also gives suggestions of certain things he will do and at what price points.
For example, do you want Travis to rename your Pokemon? It will cost you $10. Want him to rename your children? That will cost you $1,000. Sure, I guess most of these prices make sense for the tasks at hand, but is 84 straight days of copywriting at $100,000 really that great of a value? How about 20 hours of copywriting for $1,000 or six minutes at $5? Seems like it could be a little pricey down the road.
In any case, after the jump, we have the entire Craigslist posting in full. Really, Atlanta agencies, you can find it in your heart to employ Broyles, can’t you? Oh, and we have the picture of the lemonade up there to draw your attention to the fine print at the end of the post. Read on, and think about what you’d like this guy to do for you.
My name is Travis Broyles and I will do whatever* you want me to do for less money than whoever you are paying to do it now.
Below is a list of just some of the things I can do. I do want to stress that I DO ANYTHING so email me if your requested service is not listed here.
Things I Will Do For $5:
Stare at you for 5 minutes
Give a hug to the person of your choosing
Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes
Draw your face on a balloon
Sing Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” from memory to the best of my ability
6 minutes of copywriting
Things I Will Do For $10:
Write your new theme song
Perform your new theme song on your voicemail
Spin until I throw up or you lose interest
Rename your Pokémon
Host a conference call with you and a person that you’ve always thought was cool but never really got the chance to hang out with, you know?
12 minutes of copywriting
Things I Will Do For $50:
Break-up with your boyfriend or girlfriend
Help you quit smoking (I’ll call you every day for a month and yell “HEY DON’T SMOKE”)
Tell the person you like that you think they’re cute and what if you had sex together?
Try my best to fly in a public place for an hour
Make you a really great profile picture
1 hour of copywriting
Things I Will Do For $100:
Tell your kids which one is actually your favorite, and what the others could do to improve their standings
Fight someone much smaller or girl than me
Email you a list of 250 things I like about you (need access to any and all social network accounts)
Clean most of your house and apologize for the things I didn’t
Deliver 5 fully cooked DiGiorno pizzas right to your door (5 mile radius from my home)
2 hours of copywriting
Things I Will Do For $1,000:
Host an event (will not host anything racially insensitive, i.e. human being auction)
Give a PowerPoint presentation on team building to your business and/or extended family
Rename your children
Build you a cardboard car and make vroom-vroom sounds while you drive it
Star treatment for a month (I’ll hide in bushes and take pictures of you)
20 hours of copywriting
Things I Will Do For $100,000:
Yell your name every time I wake up for the rest of my life
Change my political and spiritual leanings
Screen all your phone calls for five years
Recreate the best day of your life (or worst, whatevs)
84 straight days of copywriting *BEST VALUE*
If interested, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
*Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like “Oh, after you’re done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?” but the lemonade means sex, mostly.