Children are Terrible. Wear a Condom.

By Bob Marshall 

From Zero Zero Four condoms and Cleveland-based agency Marcus Thomas comes the above TV spot, part of a new integrated campaign called “Fatherhood.” The campaign aims to teach adult males from 18-34 an important life fact: Aside from disease, the worst byproduct of unprotected sex is children.

Children are a joy if you’re a masochist. After about nine months waging war with mothers’ bodies, children arrive in the world completely unable to care for themselves. After gaining the slightest amount of independence (i.e. walking and talking), they become disrespectful and destructive, similar to the children in the above spot. Then, they start smelling, as the idea of hygiene seems foreign and confusing to their poorly wired little brains. Finally, they reach their teenage years, where they become unbearable and irrational pricks. Then, if you’re lucky, they head off to college, where they will inevitably make the same condom-less mistake you did. Enjoy, grandpa.


Playing the “accidental father” angle is nothing new. If you’ll recall, ZaZoo Condoms had a somewhat similar concept in 2003, one that led to a Cannes Silver Film Lion that year for Belgium-based agency Duval Guillaume Antwerp. The threat of child rearing is indeed a smart fear to exploit when targeting young males who generally feel invincible. But, perhaps the all infant imagery isn’t the best idea when advertising “the thinnest, most sensitive condoms you can buy.” Credits after the jump.

ECD: Joanne Kim
CD: Jamie Venorsky
AD: Ryan Wolfe
CWs: Anthony Pichotta, T.J. Prochaska
Agency Prod.: Nikki DiFranco
Digital Prod’n. Dir.: Tom Nolan
Studio Artist: Justin Weese

Prod. Co.: Authentic Films, Cleveland
Dir.: Kevin Kerwin
D.P.: Russell Lee
Exec. Prod.: Kate O’Neil
Line Prod.: Annie Tracy

Post: Spacejunk Media, Columbus
Sup.: David Ball
Editor: Mike Nelson
Motion Graphics: Jeff Boddy
Sound Mix: Kurt Keaner