Canadian Department Store Releases Bear Mascot Into Wilderness

By Bob Marshall 

Canadian 80-something-years-old department store Zellers is about to be replaced by Target as part of the latter’s strategy of complete world domination.

In celebration of the forceful Target takeover, Toronto-based shop John St. is giving the store a teary farewell, following Zellers’ beloved anthropomorphic bear mascot, Zeddy, as he attempts to start a new life for himself in the wild. Of course, Zeddy has spent the vast majority of his days in captivity, having been taken from his home and family while he was just a small cub. As you might imagine, Zeddy suffers without the loving embrace of the department store where he has spent most of his life. The “Everything Must Go” campaign from John St. proves that adapting to the untamed, isolating wilderness is harder than Tom Hanks made it look.


As we watch Zeddy slowly rot away under the stars, his plush fur picked at by vultures while Maria Bamford and a dog with concentric red circles painted around its eye move into his charmingly Canadian former home, we can’t help but feel a little sorry for the bear. Well, Zellers is giving you, loyal consumer, the opportunity to help Zeddy find a new home by adopting him through this Facebook app. One lucky winner will get $5000 donated toward their favorite charity as well as a $500 gift card to buy whatever is left at their local Zellers. If you have a hankering for some looting, visit Zellers’ Facebook page to plan accordingly.