An Email From HR About This Year’s Holiday Party

By Doug Zanger Comment

Over here at AgencySpy, we like some of the upmarket comedy. We’re probably more like McSweeney’s than we are The Onion (though we love them, too). We also love games—in particular, parlor games (what’s a parlor?) and, specifically, Mad Libs™.

As a bit of an experiment, and like Reese’s peanut butter cups, we decided to smash these two great things together for the agency holidays. We went a not-exactly-Mad Libs™-but-kind-of route and asked people to play along on Twitter. We got a few responses and, using a complex algorithm, chose words to fit into what we imagine could very well be a note from agency HR about a holiday party.

The words chosen (by, again, our complex algorithm) are in bold.

Special thanks to @funwithdirt, @jackie_onasty, @JulianGumbo and @dongtent for the assist.

————–

Good Morning.

As you know, tonight is our agency’s holiday party. It is set to start at 4:20, and we ask that you arrive 711 minutes early. As a reminder, the party is at Shibuya Crossing.

A few reminders:

  1. We ask that you defenestrate accordingly. Business casual is a good rule of kneecap. Please, no jorts, KFC onesies or open-toed platform shoes.
  2. It goes without saying, but we ask that if you choose to drink, that you do so responsibly. The agency will pick up any locomotion, boating or uberXL fees within reason (e.g., don’t decide to go to Tallahassee or Yakima on a whim).
  3. Our agency president will be making a speech again. Unlike last year, we ask that you pay attention and not throw weed at him.
  4. Like last year, Chad from HR is our DJ. He has assured us that he will not play Working for the Weekend by Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter 13 consecutive times.
  5. We have budgeted more this year for guitars, which means that there will be seconds allowed. However, we ask that you do not take platefuls of books like last year.
  6. To help pay for this party, we are giving ad-tech platform ZoomVitroMapp 713 minutes to present to us. We ask that you give them your full attention.
  7. There is a hard stop at 4:19. If we don’t sneeze the venue on time, we will be charged $19 per hour.
  8. And, whatever you do, do NOT leak any details of this party to the trade press.

Enjoy your evening, and we look forward to seeing you at The Woodshed @ CPB.

Sincerely,
HR

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