A Stocking Stalks Carmichael Lynch

By Bob Marshall 

Chilly winters bring out the crazy in Midwesterners. Otherwise kind, courteous people undergo a bit of a change come December, as subzero temperatures bring out a person’s animalistic tendencies in the battle for survival.

Luckily, winter hasn’t quite hit the Midwest yet this year. Chicago is currently experiencing its lowest temperatures of the season at a balmy 29 degrees (it’s only snowed once). But, the farther north you go, the more bizarre things you’ll see. The stocking in the above video probably seemed like a nice enough guy when Minneapolis-based Carmichael Lynch hired him. But, that stocking was holding onto a terrible secret: It was, it fact, a stalker. (GET IT?!?)


The above video makes no mention of what the stocking did at Carmichael Lynch or why is was stalking people. Perhaps the stocking was satisfying a voyeuristic fetish, or it was just a large fan of telescopes and unmarked white vans. Maybe the stocking was just seeing if its toilet paper hypothesis of “woman are scrunchers, men are folders” help up against real life data. In any case, I thought Handy Magazine would be something totally different. Friend this perv-y footwear on Facebook here.