THIS JUST IN: Snorting Smarties Causes 'Nasal Maggots'

What? You think I make this up? That's why PR Newser has this category of stories. Although it could be construed as good or bad PR for the brand in question, it's definitely news. Well, kinda'. Nonetheless, it is our journalistic responsibility to bring you this story from Rhode Island. Apparently kids are feeling the economy pinch but still need to get their junkie on, so instead of graded cocaine like high society sticks in its nose, the cool, broke kids are jonesin' for Smarties. And yes, this is a real thing. Oh, but before you think this is awesome and run out to your local grocer, it turns out snorting the multicolored cheapskate candy can cause 'nasal maggots.' No, really! Look! According to CBS News, this "widespread phenomenon" is all over YouTube, features junior-high students, and is apparently the rage in Porstmouth, R.I., because what else are you going to do there? But don't call it a comeback, this is apparently a resurrected fun trend. In an email sent to Portsmouth Middle School parents school Committee Chair Dave Croston wrote that a growing number of its students were caught crushing up and snorting the candy. And while that is disturbing enough, it gets even worse. The email went on to provide a bulleted list of potential health risks associated with the practice: cuts, infection, scarring of the nasal cavity, irritation of the lungs, allergic reaction and raised risk for turning to other substances like cigarettes or drugs that can be snorted. One eyebrow-raising health risk the letter pointed to was increased odds for possible maggot infestation in the nose. The email cited the Mayo Clinic’s Dr. Oren Friedman, who purportedly said maggots may feed on the sugary dust wedged inside the nose. Again, this isn't new. Dr. Friedman's warning was first purported in 2009! “The quote regarding the maggots relates to the fact that when a foreign material, and especially a food, resides in the nose for a long period of time, infections may occur, worms may reside in the nose, even maggots may flourish in this environment -- and we have encountered such a problem in the past,” [said Friedman]. The morale of the story, kids: Friends don't let friends snort Smarties. That's when they become dummies. And maggots.

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THIS JUST IN: Snorting Smarties Causes 'Nasal Maggots'

Shawn Paul Wood

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Shawn Paul Wood