BY STEVE SAFRAN
MANAGING EDITOR
LOST REMOTE
steviesaf@gmail.com
In 2003, I wrote a piece called “Things Viewers Never, Ever Say†(part one and part two). It was simply a list of quotes meant to point out the silly things that newsrooms do in the course of a newscast that have little meaning to the viewer. Newsrooms have developed their own series of tricks and rules over the years, and it seems like nobody thinks of what the viewer is actually thinking anymore. In a major surprise, the thing took off. It was forwarded around (stripped of my name, of course) and spawned two sequels based on reader input. It was even quoted in a book, although it did not help sales. It has been four years, and it’s time for a new list. Plus, I’m taking back the word “viewsers,” since it seems to be catching on as a combination of web viewers/users — seven years after we first suggested it here at LR. So here are the “Things Web Viewsers Never, Ever Say”:
“I like how I can get the marketing information, the sales information, advertorials, automotive, real estate, dating, coupons, information about upcoming sweeps stories and 40 other items all on the station’s front page. Also, I believe there is news here.”
“My friends are forever asking “What do you suppose that anchor is doing in the community?†I’m glad I can find that.”
“This website would be better if it helped service the station’s brand more.”
“I worry that non-news pages will dilute this station’s brand.”
“It’s cool how that information I want is only three clicks deep.”
“Did you see how they promote the network? That’s awesome.”
“I hope they brought marketing in to the meetings about this site.”
“Please: smaller fonts.”
“I like how they take the people they don’t want on TV and put them on the web.”
“I’m glad the colors on the site completely match the colors you use on TV. I would have been confused where I was otherwise.”
“I like how they assumed I have ADD when they designed this site.”
“More flashing ads for mortgages!”
“The anchors’ heads at the top of your site reminds me of Mount Rushmore. It calms me and makes me want to watch the newscast.”
“You know what would help me get the local news? Have it about halfway down the page below the promotions.”
“I like how they put the fun stories way at the bottom. That way I can wade through all the hard news before I can find the stories I think are interesting.”
“If they could squeeze things together just a smidge more, I would be able to view this on my watch.”
“Great use of tabs!”
“Yes, I will make you my homepage because I like to get my information from just one source.”
“I love how this looks just like all the other sites in town. Distinction disturbs me.”
“Navigation on the top AND the side! I feel like Magellan!”
(Add your own ideas in the comments below. Viewsers never say “I’d like to write this guy’s next column,” but that’s pretty much what I’m asking you for.)