Known as the Skinny Girl mogul, working mom, former talk show host and now returning star on season seven of The Real Housewives of New York, Bethenny Frankel talked about her new project, which evolved from her very public break-up.
I Suck At Relationships So You Don’t Have To, out this week from Simon & Schuster, provides 10 rules to not screw up your own happily ever after.
While Frankel dished about her writing process and organizational skills, she’s already compiling thoughts for her next book. She also revealed her number one tool for business-making decisions: Go with your gut.
GalleyCat: Between your bestselling non-fiction books, children’s book and your novel, do you have a favorite one?
Bethenny Frankel: It’s funny, they call them the big books, Naturally Thin, A Place of Yes and this is one. I like the three big books the best because they’re really moments in my life that I really had something to say. I was so easily able to communicate it because I had lived it and breathed it. They’ve changed so many people’s lives.
GalleyCat: Did the writing process change for you going into each of the big books and time management or did you approach each one the same way?
Frankel: For Naturally Thin I didn’t even know what I was doing. I had never written a book and it really felt like going into a garage of a hoarder and not knowing that you gotta do it but you don’t know where to start. You have to start organizing things, putting things in pile and putting things away. It evolved a million times.
A Place of Yes, I found my prescriptive way of writing and you’ll see in all three books, there’s a prescription and an organization to it because I think that people can digest the information if it’s in the 10 rules, like a toolbox, so you can remember the phrase: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game” rather than random reading people will forget.
So, this one, out of those three, was the easiest because I’ve been taking notes. Right now I’m taking notes for another book after this book. I basically write down things I want to say and later on, I sort them into categories.
GalleyCat: What’s your next book going to be about?
Frankel: I don’t know if I’m going to say but I will tell you first! When this book is a success, you can call me and I’ll tell you what this next book will be because I already know.
GalleyCat: What’s your note-taking process like? Do you rely on an old-school notebook or your phone?
Frankel: Always the phone in the notes section.
GalleyCat: Is it cathartic to jot things down as you’re going through a certain situation?
Frankel: Totally, it’s amazing. You’ll be crying and thinking about something. I’m very good at being able to express the day I’m having, so I’ll write that down or if something great happens! Or something like, “Oh my God, this is great, this is a breakthrough I’m having today and I did that other thing and this made me feel this way” so then you write that down, too.
GalleyCat: How long does your writing process take?
Frankel: You write down the concept in bullet points. It could be game playing — I could write down something in a text like guy asked me a question and I’ll remember what the story is. And then later I’ll go back in and fill all of that in. Then you try to get something on paper so you do a table of contents and send it to your publisher to say, “Okay, I think it can be a three-part book with three chapters each” and it can change a million times.
You kind of just want to get something out there so someone can start commenting and then you get the peanut gallery involved. And then you go back and then you try to build in a structure. Everything happens for me personally in the edits. Get something out there so you can get something back to me and then the shaping begins. It’s like a piece of clay. And then once we’re in a situation where we can start editing, then I can start organizing. It’s just like anything else. I’m a very organized person so I write in a very specific way that is very organized. Carole [Radziwell] is a writer and she can take a year to write a book because it’s a whole different process for her. Andy Cohen goes to the Hamptons and pulls up and writes all weekend. I don’t work that way. I’m always writing. People are different but I think I understand the way I do it’s more unusual.
GalleyCat: Let’s talk about social media with your million-plus Twitter followers and the power of engaging an audience.
Frankel: It’s a great way to connect, there’s no other way — you can’t even do it through television. It’s the real voice. I Suck at Relationships could be a good community where people can talk to each other. “I can’t believe this just happened, #ISuckatRelationships.” Or, “I can’t believe I slept with him on the first date, #ISuckatRelationships.” It’s a great hashtag to connect.
GalleyCat: Let’s switch gears and talk about reinvention. You’ve gone from The Real Housewives to your own reality show to building the Skinny Girl brand, hosting your talk show and now back to the Housewives. It’s like a pair of shoes – you put a pair on, take one off and put on another one, for the most part seamlessly. How do you do it?
Frankel: Guts. That’s the problem I have in relationships — I go with my head and my heart and not my gut. And that’s the problem I don’t have with business. I just feel it — I’m not doing this, it’s not fun, I’m not enjoying it, I’m not proud right now, I’m not feeling like myself. With the talk show, which I was grateful to have, and the people on the talk show were so amazing, I just didn’t enjoy it. And I felt anxiety because a lot of it was the personal stuff going on in my life and ultimately I don’t think that’s the right forum for me. I felt like I was on a treadmill — I felt like I was being filtered and from the minute it was over, I didn’t even look back. And I said no to the Housewives all those years, I said no to Dancing with the Stars, I said no to Shark Tank, I said no to Cinderella on Broadway when it first started – I didn’t feel like I wanted to be the wicked stepmother even though it would have been great to be on Broadway. I didn’t want to be on Celebrity Apprentice. Because I felt like I’ve established myself, I don’t need to prove myself for Donald Trump.
All these different things at the time but when I finally heard it in a different way with the Housewives, and I just had my own reasons and I was excited to go back and excited to see Ramona [Singer], LuAnn [de Lesseps] and Carole [Radziwell]. That’s why the show’s going to do well this season. My energy is there and I’m into it. And they know it and they feel it, they know I want to be there and they’re happy to have me. It’s a good dynamic.
GalleyCat: Do you ever come from a place of no?
Frankel: There are times when I’m not in a good mood, times when I am exhausted. And you have to go do a talk show or an appearance and there are times when people work with you but I’ll just be like “look,” it can be anything. We just moved [into a new office] the other day. We’re all in boxes and there’s too much stuff and yeah, we just walk in, we start opening boxes and it’s going to happen. I may not be in a great mood all the time but I’m always moving the ship forward. That is my gift. I’m an executor and I’m always moving things in the right direction for everyone to be happy, to decorate the eggs [with daughter Bryn], to be at The Today Show, to be a good mom, to be a good friend.