Labash's Theories on Life

Weekly Standard Senior Writer Matt Labash (he of the hotness) recently sat down with Hotline for an interview and we learn a number of things about Mr. Labash: He once tried getting a subject drunk to get her to chat. He thinks Don Imus is dead. He thinks his career is "stagnating." He enjoys saying "whimsiphusicon." He thinks David Broder appears on "Meet the Press" sans pants. The full interview after the jump... Matt Labash is a senior writer with the Weekly Standard, where he's worked since its launch in '95. Before joining the Standard, Labash wrote for the Albuquerque Monthly, Washingtonian Magazine, and American Spectator. But today he's our Friday Feature: Where's your hometown? What was it like growing up there? Parts unknown. I was a military brat, so here and there. The road was our mistress. I'd just as soon not specify on account of some outstanding speeding tickets. ire What was your first job? I worked at a pool snack bar at the Andrews AFB Officer's Club. The colonels' wives loved them some snacks, so it was a high-pressure gig. I only lasted about two days. What's your most embarrassing on-the-job moment? (Or as embarrassing as you'd like to reveal?) When interviewing one of Larry Flynt's estranged daughters at her house, I tried to get her grandmother drunk. It was the only way. She wasn't keen on my being there, and kept interfering with my reporting. So I tried to buy her off with a case of beer. We drank it together while watching a "Melrose Place" rerun. It didn't really work, but I believe Amanda went back to Peter in that episode, so all's well that ends well. If you could interview any deceased person, who would it be and why? Don Imus. If I could bring him back, I'd like to ask him where a faux cowboy buys bolo ties and chaps in Secaucus, NJ. It's 2026 -- where are you and what are you doing? That's only 20 years away. So I'll probably be doing the same thing I'm doing now -- stagnating. Name your favorite vacation spot. Italy -- all good things come from there, including Italian women. What is your favorite book and why? That changes frequently. At the moment, it's Ricky Jay's "Extraordinary Exhibitions: The Wonderful Remains of an Enormous Head, The Whimsiphusicon & Death to the Savage Unitarians." It's a book about freak show playbills, which is interesting. But mainly, I just like to say "Whimsiphusicon." What would be your last meal -- ever? My mom's braciole. It contains the key food groups: steak, bacon, a good red sauce. If only it had guacamole in it, it would employ all of nature's most perfect foods. What is the first section of the newspaper you read? I like to start off with something light, like the obituaries. Other people's misfortune brings me great solace. And finally, we're ending this feature with a question posed by the last interviewee. This is from Houston Chronicle's Julie Mason: If you could lash yourself to the dome of the Capitol and scream one giant truth about Washington, journalism and politics, what would it be? David Broder refuses to wear pants. If you'll notice on "Meet the Press," they always shoot him from the waist up. Now you can pose your own question -- any question -- to the next interviewee. Be as nice, or as mean, as you wish. If they're not afraid, answer this: When considering all cable-news talent, both male and female, who would you like to have sex with and why? If they're cowards, they can answer this: They say with Pringles, once you pop, you can't stop. How many Pringles can you eat in one sitting? (Please specify in can increments -- half a can, a whole can, etc.).

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Labash's Theories on Life

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