Wolcott: Fare thee well, Tina, you were so much better than being pleasured at a cheap massage parlor

Topic [A] is coming to an end and James Wolcott will miss Tina Brown. He’ll miss her professionalism, her courtesy, and her humor; but it’s her town cars he’ll miss the most.

According to Wolcott, Tina’s was head and shoulders above other cable-news shows, which have shoddy chauffeuring service, sub-par green room snacks, incompetent staffers and whiny co-guests.

The whole tawdry experience makes Woolcott feel “empty and vaguely disappointed, as if you had just gotten a bad handjob at a massage parlor. A “happy ending” that didn’t make you very happy” (obviously cheap handjobs have nowhere near the life-changing power of upscale fellatio). Wolcott is quick to demur regarding his own experience face-up on the table, but we feel dirty nonetheless.

Thank goodness for Tina — clean, wonderful Tina — whose guests were smart, staff was brisk, and buns were fresh. Mercifully, he invokes no more descriptive imagery.

He does, however, note the loss to the literary-minded among us:

It was a show that was very good to writers, particularly book authors, and those snickering at its demise should instead be regretting the loss of one of the very few outlets on TV for actual adult conversation.

We think we’ve got a pretty good idea what he means by “adult conversation.”