Why Washington D.C. Gossip Sucks

Washington D.C. isn’t known for its gossip. The reasons it’s so lame are many but involve a) the buttoned up nature of the city b) editors and publishers who loathe taking chances on this front and c) journalists who’d rather suck up to publicists to meet stars than risk upsetting them or their editors (see b).

Look, we know sometimes it has to be vanilla — but way more often than not? We think not. What passes for gossip here wouldn’t fly anyplace else except for maybe Kansas or Nebraska.

We’re going to periodically monitor the gossip scene and extract the most egregious examples of vanilla items that could use a serious spice injection or more likely, the delete key.

Today we begin with actress Jennifer Garner‘s recent appearance in Washington. The best the Washington Examiner could come up with with was this quote from this item: “You guys look…young,” said Garner as she spoke in front of a bunch of bright-eyed interns, later adding that the reason the youngsters were “bright, successful, clean, pretty-looking people” was because of their early education opportunities.

Politico came up with this equally bland nugget:  “And just in case the camera-toting college crowd had trouble thinking about Garner as anything but a product of Tinseltown, Shriver reminded them that the actress is actually ‘a daughter of West Virginia’ and ‘understands the problem of rural poverty very well.'”

At least The Hill gave potential paparazzi a clue as to where she’d go next despite offering similar fare. “Don’t be surprised if she pops by the offices of Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.), Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) and Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.).”

WaPo, bringing up the rear of this rear-worthy item,  offered decent description of what she wore — a white sheath dress – but then ruined the entire item with this phrase: “She should just move here, right? And sure, bring Ben Affleck, whatever.” Exactly, whatever.