White House Basement Dweller Writes Annual Christmas Poem for Press Party

We’re bursting at the seams. A copy of this year’s annual Christmas poem from the White House press basement party has just emerged. The festivities were held today. Putting this historical perspective: It’s the 12th poem in a tradition going back to 1998, recapping some of the past year’s WH events. Joshua Earnest and Nick Shapiro were among the WH Press Office folks on-hand for the party and the poem reading. Nuggets included cracks on the first lady’s quest for a national ban on dessert, shellacking, Slurpees, Biden’s BFD remark, Gibbs irking the “professional left” and Bubba under the press’s spell.

SRN News White House Correspondent Greg Clugston wrote the poem.

Read the prose after the jump…

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

2010 White House Press Basement Version by Greg Clugston

‘Twas the night before Christmas and in the White House,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The girls dreamed of sugar, so sweet and so grand,

And other nice treats that the First Lady banned.

The president was asleep – all snug in his bed,

Even though mid-terms still filled him with dread.

Biden called health care a “big [freakin’] deal,”

But voters revolted and let out a squeal.

They rejected the Dems and the president’s pitch:

“Sipping Slurpees” and “driving into the ditch.”

And then there was Gibbs, with his media heft,

Ticking off members of the “professional left.”

All of a sudden there arose such a clatter,

Obama sprang up to see what was the matter.

Out on the lawn stood someone he could not neglect;

It was Ohio’s John Boehner – the new Speaker-elect.

With a change in the House, things won’t be the same –

And he turned to his colleagues and called them by name:

“Now Cantor! Now Pence! Now McCarthy and Bachmann!

On, Issa! On, King! On, Ryan and Barton!

“To the top of committees, we’ll govern with flair!

We must lower taxes and repeal health care!”

Then, in a flash, a jolly man did appear;

His arrival had the glamour of a movie premiere.

His eyes – how they twinkled!  His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

He was chubby and plump, and seemed rarin’ to go.
The hair on his head was as white as the snow.

This man was invited – Bill Clinton was he!

His help to Obama made “must-see” TV.

With tax cuts on the line, POTUS was put to the test,

So he reached out to Bill, who’s simply the best.

Biting his lip and stroking his chin,

Clinton explained how Obama could win.

With Bubba in charge – the press under his spell –

POTUS was free to party with Michelle.

And I heard Bill exclaim, as he sent Obama packing:

“Merry Christmas to all!  Let’s stop the shellacking!”