‘Twas the Day Before Congress

Oh, hey there. Sorry, it took me so long to blog here. I’m currently writing my wish list for Santa Claus — pink slips and coal in the stockings for Congress. You see, according to a recent Pew Research poll, the 113th U.S. Congress is on track to be the absolute worst, unproductive collection of misfit toys in the history of ever.

And since the misgivings of this U.S. Congress is so colossally screwed up with political doublespeak, trite psychobabble and terrible talking points, I thought it would only be fitting to address this Congress is spoken word.

So, pull up a hookah, down your hipster glasses and give your best snap applause for Brother SPW and “‘Twas the Day Before Congress.

*snap snap snap snap*

‘Twas the Day Before Congress, and all through the White House. Not a creature was stirring, not even their spouse. The legislation was hung, just like its Congress. Only 58 bills have become law, putting this group of dimwits the least Congressional of them all.

President Obama was focused by their stead, while delusions of grandeur danced in his head. “Count on this Congress,” he said with a flap. “Surely, they will work hard until I say ‘That’s a wrap.'”

When away on Capitol Hill, there arose much chatter, Obama sprang from his bed to note the filibustering matter. “These fools couldn’t pass a basketball, much less, a law. Maybe I should go smack Speaker Boehner in his jaw?”

The moon was shiny following another Congressional shutdown, which allowed America to all give this Congress, Senate and the Prez a huge thumbs-down. When, what to our wondering eyes should appear but Senators Murray and Ryan working together early in the year.

“A bipartisan budget,” they exclaimed with delight, in hopes that Americans would soon forget the response of fight or flight. “Too little, too late,” Americans retorted back, as they voted this Congress ‘History’s Worst’ … even in the black.

The economy doesn’t matter, neither does a Congressional U-Turn. Because these idiots don’t work and would rather send phallic pics to an intern. No laws, no bills, no momentum to speak. This Congress sucks and the president’s future looks bleak. Sure, he’s a sitting duck but his job is to direct. But alas, that doesn’t matter, because these people have no effect.

“They deserve pink slips in their stockings with care,” President Obama thinks as the gray lightens his hair. But this nation will keep voting them in, as well as this Congress. Because, as we know, the opposite of that word has proven to be “Progress.”

Democrats, Republicans and even the party of Tea, should all get the boot so this nation can smile with glee. The worst ever is a claim no one should enjoy, but this is the 113th Congress — a political decoy. Businesses don’t trust them, neither does any American resident. Hell, they can’t even get a vote of confidence from the sitting president.

We should learn from our mistakes, and move on with strength. Instead, their combined intelligence can’t muster a single brain wavelength. “This Congress is the Pitts,” Americans have voiced. For Christmas cheer, fire them all. And then, we can rejoice.

A PR fail, this 113th Congress definitely has offered, to each of us all left in its wake, bruised and battered. “We deserve better,” one Congressman has said. Of course, that was to the tune of little rocks tinkering in his head. Tension from day one, every person in Congress doing wrong. Makes us all stand with another King to shout, “Can’t we all just get along?”