The MTA puts out the fire. Slo-o-o-wly.

We know, we’ve read it, too: The “A” train is crippled. No “C” train for five years, longer than it took to build the entire IRT line. A poor soul setting a fire to warm himself by, and whoosh – our fair city looks even more like Stalingrad in 1943. But, ah, that’s where Fishbowlers can rely on the ever-intrepid MTA for service, infomation, and up-to-the-minute news:

Because here, inside a company where everyone’s internal clock is set to quitting time circa 1923, everything’s serene and calm. When trying to find a way home through the snarled subway mess, Fishbowl naturally tried asking what was going on. A click on the “C” train icon told us only that there were “no diversions scheduled.” We won’t even try for an amusing rejoinder. When searching with the keyword “disruptions,” no results were returned.

Go back to your armor-plated, lucite-encased strongboxes, boys. Take a nice, long Van Winkle nap. And when you wake up in about five years, everything will be fine.