Target Overhauls Security, Makes Overdue Decision … Sorta


Thanks to a certain credit breach, someone at Target has been crying the blues.

The holiday season was not the most wonderful time of the year for Target thanks to some cybernetic miscreants living in their grandmama’s garage. On December 19, the bulls-eyed retailer reluctantly disclosed a data breach that compromised 40 million accounts. That was trumped by the admission of stolen personal information one month later — including names, phone numbers, and email and mailing addresses — from as many as 70 million customers.

And that’s when you would assume someone in technology would be refreshing a resume, right? An intern? Some IT manager? A PR director (since we get blamed for most things anyway)? Nope, according to the hometown Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Target went angling for a much larger fish.

Target shared with the Associated Press that Beth Jacob, Target VP and CIO, who has overseen everything from Target’s web site to its internal computer systems since 2008, has resigned. Ah, yes. I love PR because this is the crap that gets embroidered to our biker jackets as “spin doctoring.”

data breach targetResigned? As in, she walked into her bosses’ office and said that she really would rather spend more time with her family, resigned?

I’m sorry, I think it’s more like “We got called to Capitol Hill, received a can of whoop @$$ for our troubles, losing customers because of fear, and still watching plummeting stock options like a Kardashian’s chances of finding a date a KKK rally, so someone’s got to go” resigned.

And so, Beth Jacob was shown the door for all the shareholders to pop cans of confetti. At least, the C-suites remaining would hope. To show its um, “transparency,” Target offered Jacob’s resignation letter for consumption, which doesn’t mention the breach but does say that “this is a good time for a change.”

“This is a time of significant transformation for the retail industry and for Target,” she wrote. “With the quality of its talent and the power of its brand, I am confident Target will embrace the current opportunities and continue to be strong and successful in the future.”

According to ABC News, Target is unrolling a $100 million plan to roll out chip-based credit card technology in the wake of Jacob’s carcass being hurled out the fifth-floor window.

Yeah, that’s sweet, but if Target thinks anyone buys that “resignation” or “letter” then there must be a breach in the PR department as well because it’s being run by some ne’er-do-wells from Walmart.