Subway Finally Responds to ‘Footlong’ PR Crisis

Subway‘s 11-inch footlong fiasco just keeps growing!

The Australian customer who initially complained about his less-than-adequate sandwich inspired others around the world to follow suit by filing suits: angry customers in New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Illinois will take the chain to court for false advertising after buying sandwiches that were–gasp–even shorter than 11 inches. And they want $5 million dollars for personal damages. Suing the hell out of companies for dumb stuff: it’s the American way!

After initially claiming that the “footlong” label is “not intended to be a measurement of length”(ha!), the company finally began its inevitable damage control campaign yesterday by issuing the following statement:

“We have redoubled our efforts to ensure consistency and correct length in every sandwich we serve. Our commitment remains steadfast to ensure that every Subway Footlong sandwich is 12 inches at each location worldwide.”

We’ll see about that.

Despite all this drama, some things will stay the same: Subway does not, cannot and will not carry ketchup–no matter how many fights break out over this insensitivity to tomato/sugar paste lovers everywhere. (Wait, who puts ketchup on a cheese steak?)

Question: does the McDonald’s “quarter pounder” patty really weigh 3 ounces? And is this with or without the cheese? Somebody’s lawyer should get on that.

Now we have to make a promise: this is the last time we will ever use a gratuitous Seinfeld clip.*

*Just kidding. Our fingers were crossed.