Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

Is there any way to be self-promotional and not be douchey? The short answer is “No.” The long answer is “Hell no.” I get it, I’m guilty of it too. But there’s a difference between you posting or tweeting that your latest piece is up with a link attached and you retweeting every single human being who tweeted about it and said nice things. I would name names, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings (well, actually I do, but it is Good Friday). Fact is, there are many to choose from. They’re the journos who retweet every person who tweets out their piece. But what they do that’s really annoying? Follow this one…those retweet their original tweet about their pieces. It’s a bit much.

What do you think of Eliot Spitzer as the choice for Keith Olbermann’s replacement? Do you find Eliot sexy? Is the left-wing talent pool so shallow that you have to go to Client 9 to find a viable host? Or is Spitzer so desperate to get out of the house (something that got him into trouble in the past) that he’d be willing to spend time talking to an audience that makes attendance at National’s home games seem like the crowd at the Super Bowl? And what of David Shuster? The Countdown fill-in host was passed over? Did he secretly record a pilot for Animal Planet or something? Why pass him over? He can suck just as much as anyone, except maybe the lady Client 9 paid.

As for your last question, does anyone find him sexy? The dude banged hookers. Do you find penicillin resistant syphilis sexy? Still, it’s better than hosting a show on Current TV.

David Gregory was pretty funny on the Tonight Show last night when he did imitations of the GOP presidential hopefuls. Does this surprise you? David Gregory is only funny on mute or when you’re watching something that doesn’t have David Gregory in it. I forced myself to watch this segment for this question (gotta love the Internet) and I hate you for it. I can see why old people watch Leno. As for Gregory, if he was going for “funny” he should have mooned the audience to show that he didn’t get the “Obama/Biden 2012” tattoo on his ass. Or, considering the news about NBC News this week, that he did get a tattoo but there’s an “error in editing” that made it read as racist when, in fact, he was simply answering a question. In case you can’t tell, I don’t like NBC News.