Screenwriter for Battlefield Earth Apologizes: ‘I Was Just Trying to Get Laid’

battlefield-earth.jpg
J.D. Shapiro is claiming his screenplay based on L. Ron Hubbard’s book was good, then “they” changed it. He penned an entire piece in the NY Post about it in the wake of the “film” winning the Worst Movie of the Decade Award from the Razzies which he accepted in person.

But his jokes are so clever:

I researched Scientology before signing on to the movie, to make sure I wasn’t making anything that would indoctrinate people. I took a few courses, including the Purification Rundown, or Purif. You go to CC every day, take vitamins and go in and out of a sauna so toxins are released from your body. You’re supposed to reach an “End Point.” I never did, but I was bored so I told them I had a vision of L. Ron. They said, “What did he say?” “Pull my finger,” was my response. They said I was done.

He admits he only went to the Celebrity Centre because he heard it was a great place to meet girls. So, did it work?

Shapiro writes:

Once it was decided that I would share a writing credit, I wanted to use my pseudonym, Sir Nick Knack. I was told I couldn’t do that, because if a writer gets paid over a certain amount of money, they can’t. I could have taken my name completely off the movie, but my agent and attorney talked me out of it. There was a lot of money at stake.

Now, looking back at the movie with fresh eyes, I can’t help but be strangely proud of it. Because out of all the sucky movies, mine is the suckiest.

In the end, did Scientology get me laid? What do you think? No way do you get any action by boldly going up to a woman and proclaiming, “I wrote Battlefield Earth!” If anything, I’m trying to figure out a way to bottle it and use it as birth control. I’ll make a mint!