‘Retirement’ Stunt Can’t Save Justin Bieber’s Movie

No such luck this time.

You can’t wear white to your own retirement party

We’re not quite sure we can call the Bieb’s latest move a stunt, but there’s really no better word for a series of tweets with which a teen pop star earns gossip blog headlines by writing (approximately):

“Oh hi, fans. I’m retiring.

No seriously, I’m retiring. Please pay money to see my movie.

Haha, JK, I’ll be here forever. Tricked you! But you should still go see my movie.”

The official follow-up statement from Bieber’s team at Scooter Braun Projects wasn’t much fun, either:

Justin felt that this was the best way to respond to the latest in a long line of inaccurate or wildly exaggerated media reports about him…This wasn’t a planned stunt, it was just another day in the life of living under the microscope. Justin loves his fans and understands that this scrutiny comes along with his success and the interest in him from fans and media.

Thanks for the clarification, but we still can’t deny taking a certain shameful pleasure in the fact that Bieber’s “pay attention to me” ploy wasn’t enough to get people to see his movie. Believe posted box office numbers even more shameful than those of the latest “How Low Will DeNiro Go” flick Grudge Match, whose marketers resorted to featuring comments from random tweeters in its TV ads because hey, at least somebody had something good to say about it.

And yes, we totally deserved the lumps of coal we should have found in our stockings this year.