Afternoon Reading List 09.05.13.

Alaskan mayor mauled by mad dog, is also a cat:  Yesterday in The Daily Caller, reporter Robby Soave broke the news of an appalling mad dog attack on a city official in the town of Talkeetna, Alaska.  Yes, the city official happened to be a cat, but that cat is the town’s mayor and has been for the past 16 years. Was the attack an accident? Probably, but could it have been the reactive protests of an oppressed canine underground against a fierce cat-tatorship, the first move made by Talkeetnaan dogs in lieu of an impending political coup? Absolutely not, but what a helluva story that would be, am I right?

Why you should read this article: Not only should you read this article, but you should donate to the cat mayor’s rehabilitation and physical therapy. If he doesn’t run again in November, then we’re hearing that the Green Party ferret will run unopposed and raise the town’s taxes on tuna and scratching posts.

Chris Matthews to Obama: “Oh no, girl you didn’t.”: In TWT this week, news writer Jessica Chasmar wrote a story on Chris Matthews appearance on “Morning Joe” Wednesday, where he blasted President Obama for making Democrat party leaders choose between supporting the President’s potential war with Syria, or breaking from party loyalty and acting on their own code of ethics. Matthews compares this to Democrat loyalty that followed Lyndon Johnson into the Vietnam War. They would eventually turn their backs on newly elected Republican Richard Nixon regarding that same conflict.

Why you should read this article: Democrats have feelings, and Matthews stands up for those little guys who want to have their cake and eat it, too. Is it too much to ask that these conflicted party members just be allowed to believe in what the party does while they remain loyal to their leader without following his lead?

Scarlett Johansson after the jump…

Scarlett Johannson gets engaged, breaks 12-year-old boys’ hearts everywhere: Yep, that’s right.  According to HuffPostScarlett Johannson is getting married, and its going to be to a french journalist named Romain Dauriac. Congratulations to that guy for snagging a top 10 hottie, even though he’s probably got that terrible speech impediment and foul body odor that all French men have. Although they’re engaged and reportedly “very happy,” they have not yet set a date, and that means I still have a chance.

Why you should read this article: I read this news and punched a hole in the wall of my bedroom. I mean, yeah, hooray, congrats Scarlett, I’m super happy for you or whatever, but a French journo? Why couldn’t it be to an American FishbowlDC intern? I mean, I hear those guys are pretty cool dudes worth marrying.