Question for TBD’s Hess: Can We Pinch You?

Amanda Hess,‘s supposed sex and gender reporter, wrote yesterday about the six “weirdest gender moments” at the Academy Awards telecast on Sunday.

The only thing weird about those moments, though, was that they were even chosen. Among them: Natalie Portman thanking her fiancee for giving her “the most important role of her life,” as a mother. Hess finds it “a little icky” that Portman used her speech “to reinforce the primacy of a woman’s gender role.” We’re missing the weird part of Portman being happy about becoming a mother.

Also weird in the World of Hess: Kirk Douglas pinching Melissa Leo‘s arm. (She asked him to pinch her when she rose to accept her award to be cute and make sure the moment was real.) That one wasn’t weird either, nor was it clear why it’s classified as a “gender moment.” (Questions to ponder: Does TBD not allow pinching in its newsroom? Does Hess have newsrooms tantrums if anyone tries to pinch her or ask her pinching questions?)

King’s Speech director Tom Hooper was also a target for thanking lead actors Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. Hess thought the speech was devoted “exclusively to your boy’s club,” though Hooper also went on to thank his mother (that woman who at some point pushed him, like a bowling ball, out of her) and Helena Bonham-Carter, the lead woman in the film.

Damn Hooper and his boy’s club, thanking two men and two women.