Pitches That Worked: UAE Airline’s ‘Flying Nannies’

It’s tough out there for an airline. Even if you don’t happen to be British Airways, sometimes you feel like everybody hates you. Of course air travel brands look for ways to stand out, and after some opted for child free “quiet zones“, Etihad Airways found a nice Bizzaro World alternative with its new “flying nannies” service.

Someone representing Eithad, which is the official airline of the United Arab Emirates because of course it is, thought this story would have wings—and it is indeed quite odd. Here are some choice bits from the press release:

Identified by bright orange aprons, each Flying Nanny aims to provide a ‘helping hand’ to families and unaccompanied minors.

The course includes in-depth training, from the world renowned Norland College, concentrating on child psychology and sociology…

And with this training they will offer “activities”:

Many of these activities derive from a special kit which contains straws, stickers, cardboard and other items which the Flying Nanny uses to teach simple arts and crafts such as creating special greeting cards for friends and family.

A key on-board highlight is set to be the creation of sock puppets…

In addition to the arts and crafts, the Flying Nannies can also teach children simple magic tricks which helps retain their focus and interest while seated.

So they are literal magicians. Hell, they’ll even teach you how to be a better parent with timeless tips like:

Try not to get too stressed yourself, as children have a tendency to pick up on these things and they use you as their barometer.

Wow, how would we ever have known?!? This, ladies and gentlemen, is a story too ridiculous to pass up. And before you ask…no, the flying nannies will not change diapers. Remember that this is your child, no matter how much you may want to forget.