Paris Hilton Needs Help–and a Mojito

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Paris Hilton has a friend who’ll be glad to help her with that pesky DUI thingie. From the inevitable press release:

Beverly Hills addiction expert Marc Kern, Ph.D. is contacting Hilton’s attorneys to invite her to consider the alternative Moderation Management (MM) groups approved by State of California and City of Los Angeles courts to meet the self-help group requirements, instead of the traditional, abstinence only Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other 12 Step groups.

“Paris is obviously an early stage problem drinker, and an abstinence group is an overkill and inappropriate for a celebrity,” he says.

Dr. Kern has been contacted as an expert and testified in a number of celebrity court cases to get permission for them to be able to drink, rather than have to follow total abstinence.

Because as we all know, cocktail guzzling is vital to the career trajectory of any fame ‘ho. FBLA hopes Dr. Kern gets a steep discount at BevMo. Dr. Kern adds:

What is best for her? Paris needs Moderation Management, not AA.

FBLA wonders why “a smack in the mouth” isn’t a theraputic option.